So many posts in one day, but I am tired of holding back. When I feel it, I will write it.
I still have this constant physical reminder that I should be a mother right now. It is emotionally tormenting to be producing milk with no babies to feed. It hurts me physically and mentally. The c-section has pretty much healed, but my stomach is so bruised I still can’t touch it.
I am just ready for a little bit of relief. I am so tired of being responsible and doing the right thing. It got me nowhere. Seriously thinking about stalking the local high schools for pregnant teens that don’t want their baby! Maybe I can find a girl pregnant with twins that is either red headed or their “Baby-daddy” is a ginger.
I am ready to be irresponsible with my life, money etc. It seems like those who aren’t, are those who are rewarded. I put my faith in God and even after all this, I can’t pull my faith, but I want to. All I want for Christmas is to be in Heaven with them.I don’t want to be here anymore, there is nothing left for me here.