I am about to sound like a horrible person, but frankly I just don’t care. I am getting tired of people comparing what happened to us to a miscarriage. I’m sorry, but I held my children, I changed their diapers, I took their temperature, I changed their bedding, I held their hands. It isn’t the same. Just like what I had isn’t the same as a still birth. That mother didn’t get the opportunities that I had. A mother of a miscarried child might never have even been given the opportunity to hold their child. What we all go through shouldn’t be forced to carry a label.
Now saying that, if I were to have a miscarriage, I would be devastated. If I had a still birth i would be devastated. I am not trying to make it sound like it would be any less painful, I am just tired of people telling me, “I know how you feel,” when they can’t possibly. Just like I can’t know how a mother who had a miscarriage feels, or a still birth.
I am just tired of the, “lots of people miscarry their first,” and all that crap. I am bitter and jealous right now. Over half the people trying to console me have tiny babies, are pregnant, or have kids and it is like a knife in my back to be honest. I know it shouldn’t be, but it is.
It tears me apart to see, “I am so sorry, you are in my thoughts and prayers,” then immediately see them post pictures of their baby or updated maternity pictures on Facebook. I feel like I am that tragedy that the circle of mom’s talk about. I’m not a mother to them because I don’t have my children here with me, I couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to raise a child.
I have news for everyone out there: I will always be a mother, I held my babies in my arms and I will always wear the scar across my stomach. Do not think just because you can still hold your children that it makes you any more of a mother than me.
What I have aren’t stretch marks, I’m just a tiger who has earned her fucking stripes. When asked if I have any children, I don’t say no, I say two.