A letter to Grieving Parents

Dear Grieving Parent(s),

No words will ever help or make you feel any better, mostly they will hurt. “I’m sorry” cuts like a knife, and “I know how you feel” infuriates you. Even if you and I have gone through the SAME EXACT situation, I can never know how you feel. I can only try and understand what you are going through. Nothing anyone can ever say will bring your angel baby/babies back.

I am going to keep religion out of this, because frankly, you might be confused, lost, or stronger in your faith than ever. I am going to try and give some advice for when you are ready for it. People are going to say, unknowingly to them, mean and cruel things to you to try and make themselves feel better about everything that has happened to you. Best friends are going to become marks of anger, bitterness, and jealously. While casual acquaintances can become a strong pillar to lean on in your darkest hours.

My hope for you is that you can learn to ignore and look past all the “Helpful advice” given by those who couldn’t possibly know or understand how you feel or what you are going through.

Know that it is ok to cry, scream out, and distance yourself from some of the people around you. You lost your child/children, your babies. You deserve to grieve in your own way. Do not let anyone tell you how or how long to grieve. Do so in your own time and your own way.

There are going to be days that are ok, then the next you will be shot right back full swing into your grieving. I wish that I could tell you that time heals all wounds, but it doesn’t. The only advice I can give you here is to keep the wound clean. Don’t let it scab over, or else you will just pick at it or snag it making it fresh all over again. Keeping it clean means not allowing it to fester, let things out, let them breathe. Don’t allow the bitterness to rule your world, but allow it to be there.

Eventually, you will be ready to let the light back in, but that doesn’t mean you will EVER forget about your baby/babies. The hurt will always be there, allow it to be, but don’t let in consume you forever. Make your child/children proud. Be the person, the mother/father they are proud to call mom/dad.

Accept help. If someone wants to help, let them cook a meal for you, clean your living room, or help get groceries. If your angel baby/babies are your only children, stay away from pregnant friends and family members for awhile. They will understand. You don’t want to plant a jealous/bitter seed that will grow and spread past the point of no return.

Most of all, if possible, love your partner. They experienced this life shattering event along with you. Whether they say it or not, they need you, and you need them.

Krystal Roark
Mommy of Twin Angels
Willow Anne & Hazel Jaymes


5 thoughts on “A letter to Grieving Parents

  1. Krystal, your words are beautiful and hopefully instill compassionate understanding and guidance in those taking a journey along the path that you are traveling and also, hopefully it will provoke understanding and patience in those who can only watch from the sides as you fight through your grieve.

    • I felt the same way, but please remember your precious daughter would not want that for you. Both of my daughters died just a month before yours. As bad as it hurts, we must go on and live our lives to honor them and their short lives. Hopefully you can find some peace soon.

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