27 turning 48

James finally thought I was in a good enough spot to show me something. For weeks after we came home from the hospital I just sat on the couch crying, or in bed. I couldn’t get dressed in anything other than a nightgown because everything hurt to wear, I couldn’t fit into anything but a sports bra and I was still lactating so everything hurt.

James showed me a picture from about a week after Hazel died and 2 weeks after Willow died. It was horrible to look at. I looked ragged and a lot older than my years. It was as if all the life had been sucked out of me. I was a dried up leaf just waiting for the wind to carry me away…


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