‘He’ Already Knows

In all that has happened I have really struggled with one thing:

Are my girls waiting for me in Heaven and did I not pray right?

Now, I feel there is a heaven, and genuinely good people who accept God go there. But what I struggled with is, there are those you say, “Only those who are baptized can go to heaven, those who profess Jesus is the Lord and Savior.” So what was my struggle? My daughters were only 16 hours old, and 8 days old when they died. They were not baptized, nor could they profess their beliefs. Willow passed while I was still constrained to my bed and we had no one to pray for her after her passing, which looking back now… hurts. When Hazel passed, Pastor Ara was there within minutes and prayed with us over Hazel. There is no greater guilt that I have felt than that of not having someone do that for Willow.

I began searching with all of my might, the internet, scripture, everything, trying to find out if my girls were in Heaven. I came across John 3:5, “Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.” Now, through my findings there is a lot of variation of meaning behind this. I find Pastors even disagree among one another. That the ‘born of water’ is from the mother, essentially the ‘amniotic sac,’ not necessarily a ‘baptism.’ Some pastors say you do not need to be baptized to go to Heaven as long as you profess Jesus is your Lord and Savior, while other say that is not enough! You MUST physically show it in a place of worship. So not really finding an answer I did what anyone my age tends to do… I ‘googled’ it! That’s right, I ‘googled’ about the salvation of my daughters.

I came across a book Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo. It is the account of heaven by an ‘almost’ four year old. He was very sick and had to have multiple surgeries to save his life. He was at the very doorstep of death. When all was over and he recovered he told his parents about visiting Heaven. He had inside knowledge of things that had happened he never knew about. Including his miscarried older sister that he met while there, his great-grandfather whom he also never met, and details of Heaven that was only found deep within the Bible (not something any 4 year old would have read). This little boy’s accounts also matched up with another young girl who had been given a glimpse of Heaven. Two people that had never met, that were pure innocence in itself, gave matching descriptions of Heaven.

But what struck me the most, the boy’s big sister. He met her. She was miscarried. She couldn’t have been baptized or profess her salvation of the Lord. I had my answer. As long as I do what is right, profess my sins and my love for God… I will be able to see my daughters again. I can hold them, love on them, and be their mother. It was as if the world’s heaviest burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t doom my babies to Hell because my body had failed them, because I had failed them. Jesus loves the little children, including mine.

I also learned another valuable lesson from this book, which was also in When Empty Arms Become A Heavy Burden by Sandra Glahn & William Cutrer, MD. Being in both books, which have had a great impact on my life, made it even more valid in my mind. Be honest with God. Do not ‘church’ up your prayers. If you need to yell at God, do so. If you just want to cry in your prayer, do it. In Heaven is for Real the narrator and father of the young boy is a Pastor. During his son’s surgery and about to die, the pastor yells at God. Asking him if this is how he repays his servants, his messengers of his word. He is furious. After his son starts to tell him of his visit, he reveals that he saw his father walk off to a little room and yell at God and pray while yelling. The little boy said, “God answered your prayer.” His son lived. On page pg 84 he describes that he yelled at God while praying with anger toward Him and His work and this is the conclusion he came to:

{“Can you believe that I could pray like that, and God would still answer it ‘yes’?” What had I learned? I was reminded yet again that I could be real with God, I told my fellow pastors. I learned that I didn’t have to offer some kind of churchy, holy-sounding prayer in order to be heard in heaven. “You might as well tell God what you think,” I said. “He already knows it anyway.”}

He already knows anyway…. So why not be real with your feelings? And I have. I have yelled at Him, cried with Him, and I am sure in my darkest hours He has sat with me.

My next step is to study hard, find my unfailing faith, and be baptized myself. I want to make that commitment when I am ready and sure that I won’t fail my faith.


One thought on “‘He’ Already Knows

  1. What you are trying to find out is something that many wonder. If you don’t mind I’d like to share with you what I have learned with regard to our loved ones who have passed (which, by the way, will live again) and heaven.
    As for heaven, there are a select few that do have a heavenly hope. Revelation 14:3 says they “have been bought from the earth.” Revelation 5:10 tells what they will be doing with Jesus saying “they are to rule as kings over the earth.” Since we know that they will be ruling, that would mean they would have to have someone to rule over. So that would mean not everyone can go to heaven.
    Do you remember where Adam and Eve lived when they were alive? Yes they were right here on earth in the garden of Eden. God’s purpose for humans was for them live forever in perfection on a paradise earth. Just because Adam and Eve sinned doesn’t mean God’s purpose for humans has changed. If you think about it, is there really anything wrong with the earth itself? Or is it the people that cause the wickedness? It is of course the people under the influence of Satan. Isaiah 45:18 says that God “did not create the earth simply for nothing,” but “formed it even to be inhabited.” Psalm 115:16 says “the earth [God] has given to men.” So the theory that the earth will be destroyed is not in harmony with the Bible. It will be here forever for Psalm 104:5 says the earth “will not be made to totter to time indefinite or forever.” Psalm 37:29 says “the righteous will possess the earth, and they will reside forever upon it.”
    Wouldn’t it make since for God just to do away with the ones ruining the earth instead the earth? Well that’s what he is going to do for Psalm 37:9 says “evildoers themselves will be cut off, but the ones hoping in Jehovah will possess the earth.” When that happens then God’s original purpose for humans will be realized. Death ad suffering will be no more and neither will sickness. (Revelation 21:4; Isaiah 33:24; 35:5, 6; Micah 4:4)
    Something else that may bring you hope is what is said at John 5:28, 29 that “the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs (graves) will hear [Jesus] voice and come out.” Those that have passed will be resurrected, including your dear little ones. Until that time, those that have passed are just sleeping. Ecclesiastes 9:5 says “the dead are conscious of nothing at all.”
    All of this is able to come about because Jesus came to earth and died for us all. With his perfect life, he bought back what Adam had lost for all mankind – perfection.
    I hope this will help you as it has me. If you want to learn more you can visit http://www.jw.org. I wish you all the best. I can’t imagine the hurt you have experienced and are experiencing. May Jehovah God bless you in your efforts to draw closer to him. (James 4:8)

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