The mud and the Willow

Willow, I held your hand through it all, then in the end with that one last  breath I lost my strength. You were the strongest person I knew and that which I perceived as a worried last breath, was more of a sigh of relief for you. It was shortly after that, that you slipped away into a quiet eternal sleep and mommy held you.

That is my biggest regret. Then…. then the guilt was awful. A heavy weight, not because I didn’t want to see you go…more of the relief it had happened and there was no struggle. You were at peace and in no pain. It was like a ton of cold, wet  mud had been poured up to my chest. I was buried deep in its wetness.  Every breath I took became harder  and harder, the mud collapsing in with each breath I took. Taking away all the room I had to breathe. Slowly my tear begin to dry and the mud begins to crack. Forever leaving an imprint, frozen in time.

I still miss you everyday, and sometimes, most days…..the mud comes back.

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