A time to heal

I took yesterday, my due date, off of work. I honestly didn’t know how I would react or what mental condition I would be in.

Overall, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was horridly emotional though. I cried a lot, but I made it. We went out to the girls’ graves and decorated them for Easter, and put a little something for St. Patrick’s day for their heritage. It looks really nice.

I was extremely saddened to see they have a new infant neighbor though. That hit me hard. I didn’t expect to get so emotional over someone I had never met before, but I did. My girls have a set of b/g twins to their left and now a little girl to their right. I hope they are all playing together as I write this.

Yesterday, hit that last milestone before the girls’ 1st Birthday. I’m oddly relieved. I no longer have to think about the, “I should be this pregnant” thoughts anymore. Maybe things will get easier for a time. There still isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t cry and think of Willow and Hazel, and I don’t expect that to change. I do think it will get a bit easier in time though. All things in time.

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3 thoughts on “A time to heal

  1. So sorry for the loss of your little girls. I understand that feeling of relief. Although for me, when I passed the due date, I also had a little bit of “Well, what now? Now I have no milestones, and it’s just the rest of my life without her.” So it’s sort of a mixed blessing. My little girl’s first birthday is this week, so I am dreading that milestone as well.

  2. I think it might be a relief to no longer think to myself “I should still be pregnant”, but then I will be thinking “I should have a newborn” or “I should have a crawler” or whatever.

    • This is very true. Today I received a flier in the mail from shutterfly. It had “Congratulations” across the front and had 100 free birth announcements in it 😦

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