This is why I’m no longer social

Well, I survived another encounter. We had a work lunch today and I had this feeling I shouldn’t go, but I did anyway.

I got to sit near someone who announced their wife was pregnant. Then the two people discussed birthing, and if they were going to learn the sex before birth, due dates, and doing at home birth because it was much more natural.

I held back my tears and sat through it, at one point I pushed my chair back and almost darted for the door. I almost couldn’t take it. I felt trapped and alone. I hurt so bad to hear it all. I will never put myself in that position again. No more work lunches. I’m sick at my stomach and burning up now. I hate the person I have become.

Lord, why do you continue to test me? To put me in situations that hurt to the core? Why sit them near me? I trust you God, but I don’t understand your ways. Just help me get through the rest of the day.

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4 thoughts on “This is why I’m no longer social

  1. Hang in there. I’m not gonna say things will get better. They may in some ways and not in others. I am definitely struggling with the whole trusting God thing. I think I’m past the anger, a majority of the time. I don’t think I trust him to not take away the joy that I have fought to find among the grief.

  2. You were very brave to stick it out. I had a fabulous night out three months after we lost the children, having a good laugh with our best mates while their children played outside the pub. What I did not know was that we had been placed right next to someone about to have a baby shower. We had to walk out before we had finished our meal because I could not cope. I was so mad. Why next to us? Why in the first time in months we have smiled now back in floods of tears. It is a hard road you are walking so do what you need to do to survive the day.

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