I guess it is one of those days the other mother’s have been telling me about. I am having my first “Back Stepping” day. I haven’t been able to leave the couch all day. I’ve been a constant soggy mess of tears and straight up bawling out loud.
I am a horrid mix of emotions. Anger, grief, guilt, sadness, you name it, and that’s how I feel. I didn’t expect the guilt I am feeling. I feel guilty that for the first time in 6 years, I am happy my father is in Heaven. But I couldn’t think of a better person to be caring for my daughters while I am not able to. I’m an emotional wreck, and I can’t do anything about it.
I look out the windows of our house and the snow is swirling, beautiful, cold, and deadly. It is quickly accumulating, just like my grief and sadness today. I need some sunny days, some real spring and soon.
I miss all three of you.