Public Places

How is it that I can feel so claustrophobic in a public place? I want to try and have a normal life again, but I know that will never happen. Not in the sense that it used to be ‘normal’ anyway. It will always be my new ‘normal.’

I get into public places and see everyone’s face and wonder:
How many kids do they have?
Have they ever lost a child?
Do they even know anyone who has lost a child?
Are they going to ask me how many kids I have?
Are they going to talk about their kids?
Will they ask what happened?
Will I be able to tell them?
Will I cry?
Will something trigger a memory and cause me to cry?

The list really goes on and on. I miss the days when I could just go out to someplace like Wal-mart and not have to ‘prepare’ myself before I go in.

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2 thoughts on “Public Places

  1. I understand completely. I attended Disney on Ice a few weeks back with a friend and her kids. It was so packed with kids, and I felt them all taunting me – saying “you are not my mom”. I had a panic attack and spent most of my time outside getting some air. If you figure out how to get past it, please share your secrets with me!

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