I’m writing again. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it is a huge step in the right direction for me.
Before I did IVF, I started writing a book, then all through my pregnancy before the rupture, I wrote.
After I ruptured, I couldn’t bring myself to write while on bed rest. Then, after the girls died, I just couldn’t write. I tried several times and just couldn’t. It didn’t feel right.
Then, yesterday, I just starting writing. It just happened. I wrote about 2000 words yesterday, and I’m writing today during ‘down time,’ again.
It feels good and oddly ‘normal,’ and not new ‘normal.’ Have I finally brought a piece of ‘before’ into my ‘after’? I hope so. I love and miss the twins dearly, but this is no life. It’s not living, it is simply existing. My daughters deserve better than that. They deserve a living mother, not merely an existing one.