PAIL

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Wanting so badly to be a mother to children on earth, wanting to hold my children more than 1 time, wanting to kiss them and feel their warmth against my skin.

I can see myself just watching a baby breathe, if I ever get to that. Watching the miracle of their little chest rise and fall softly all on their own.

So many take pregnancy for granted. Wanting it over because it becomes ‘hard’ or ‘tiresome.’ On my pPROM support group two things were recently posted. Screen shots of FB pages with the names blocked out.

1: A Picture from someone’s Baby Gaga account that says: I am 4 weeks old!

Wow. To be that naive. To post on FB that you are 4 weeks pregnant, to post before the urine on the HPT is dry. I envy and pity that person at the same time.

2: Another FB post by a friend of one of the loss moms wrote this on her FB page: “I’m 30 wks today, expected tp deliver by 37wks by c section. I want this over 😦 my back hurts so bad right now I can’t stand the thought of 7 more wks of misery… i have never felt liek this before in past pregnancies, im just fed up…”

You can imagine the responses the friend got on our support page. What any one of us would have given to even make it to 30 weeks gestation.

I know one day it will happen for me, and it will be a VERY long 40 weeks. I will be scared every second of it, afraid to lose that little life growing inside of me, afraid of failing again. I will not take it for granted, but I am also afraid I will not be able to enjoy it as well.

 

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2 thoughts on “PAIL

  1. 4 weeks pregnant??? Seriously? Oh to be so seriously young and naive again. I felt the same way at 14 weeks. Like I had made it. The baby would be fine. It was all heartburn and happiness from then on out. How little I knew about the world, how I pity and envy anyone else who is in that place now.

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