The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

“You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job 2:10

I see this, and I live it. I have spoken to so many women (and men) who have lost their children (or are struggling with infertility) and were strong in faith before so. Then, after their world began to crumble they lost faith, or began to waiver.  I am the opposite. I had little faith, I believed in God, but didn’t really show it. I didn’t pray, I didn’t live in a Godly way. Then, after my only children died, I began to know God. He sat with me when I cried, and cried with me. I could literally feel his presence at times when I felt most alone.

It was then, that I read the story of Job, and I saw this passage. So many people follow God and his teachings, then when something bad happens (lose their job, lose a loved one etc), they turn on Him. I saw this happen with my own father, and thought it only natural.

We can’t praise God for all the good he does, then condemn Him if things don’t turn out the way we want them to. I know that this is not the life I had planned for myself. I never even thought of the possibility that my children could die, but they did. I don’t think God thought to Himself one day, “Let’s give her a test, lets kill her only children after trying for 6 years and countless painful infertility treatments.”

I don’t think God thinks like that. He doesn’t plan or want anyone’s children to die, it just happens. It is tragic, it sucks, and it happens. He didn’t need another angel, or want my girls by His side right then and there, He is not selfish like that. It just happened.


4 thoughts on “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

  1. It’s interesting that you went the opposite that normally happens. I was on the edge of being Christian & not sure what I believed & when I lost my daughter I lost my faith. But it was more a moment that came to me that really clarified what I wasn’t sure about for so many years & what I was too afraid to admit. That I didn’t believe in God.

    • I get that a lot from people. What I came to realize was, how can I deny His existence just because I can’t see Him or feel Him? Should I deny my children were born because I can’t see or feel them anymore? Can I deny that so many other woman had children just because I wasn’t there? They write about them, blog about them, but since I never saw them they couldn’t exist?

      For me, it was a lesson in faith. Just because there is no ‘hard’ proof, doesn’t mean it couldn’t have happened. The only proof of my children is in a small box in my living room. The only proof of my God is in a book in my coffee table. To me, it was comforting. He believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in Him.

  2. I truly am amazed at your view on the subject. I was and am still so angry. I walked up to my church so many times, and turned around. You really are an inspiration. And I hope one day that I can have that faith.

    • I still get angry, but as I feel, God already knows what is in my heart, so why not be honest with Him? If I am angry, I yell at Him. But I also cry with Him, and praise Him. Also, I don’t attend church. I worship with God anytime I want to. Not on someone else’s fixed schedule. I will go to church eventually, but it is painful to go. Too many people don’t understand, and hurt me on accident. But God knows my heart, and I feel He would never force me to go somewhere I don’t feel comfortable. If you want to get to know God again, and love him again, I will pray that you do, and that you find comfort in His arms once again. But only when you are ready. Hugs

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