I keep thinking to myself that I need to un-friend some people on facebook. But then, that would make me a horrible person, right?

There are several people who said nothing to me when I lost my girls, not even an ‘I’m Sorry,’ yet they go on to comment on tons of my posts, and even ‘like’ random obscure crap I post.

Also, I keep torturing myself with someone else’s child. They too were born a mirco-preemie and made it. 7 0z lighter than Hazel and 1/2 the weight of Willow. I am happy for them, honestly, but every time I see a post about how strong a fighter their little one is, I cry. My girls were fighters too. She never even said anything to me when I was on bedrest, in the hospital, or after I lost my twins. She’s been there, and made it out ok, I can’t help but feel like that is a slap in the face to not say anything at all to me, you know?

God chose them. God deemed my husband and I unworthy of raising our daughters, but them worthy. God chose them, and punished us.

That’s all I can think of when I see them. I want to unfriend them so badly, I only torture myself with their pictures. But that makes me the bad person.

I hate all these feelings inside.

Why would God give me this undeniable want to be a mother, to nurture children, only to take it away before it could ever happen.

These are the questions I ask at sleep.


7 thoughts on “UnFriending

  1. I left facebook alone for a while last year as I could not face all the happy family pictures. People don’t always know what to say, it doesn’t mean they weren’t sorry this happened to you. They may have left alone because they did not want to say the wrong thing and upset u. Sending hugs xx

  2. Unfriend them. If they don’t understand, don’t worry about it. They’re just lucky. God didn’t choose anyone. God created a world in which human beings are fragile and they die, sometimes as babies and sometimes older. Lots of very faithful people have lost children, and asked God if they were being punished, or if they were not good enough. But look at all the tragedies in the world. A God who would create such suffering out of spite is not a God worth believing in. Instead, you must understand that if 100 years is a blink of an eye to God, then the shorter lives of our daughters were just as significant to the divine as the life of any 100 year old.

    • Thank you. XOXO. Last night one of her posts just struck a cord, I’ve never really had a problem before. I believe it will be for my better sanity to unfriend them.

  3. Fwiw, I don’t believe God didn’t choose you, or actively chose to punish you. If anything, I would think he’s sorry you’re both hurting so badly. At worst, he’s indifferent, but not punishing you. I’m for one am truly sorry you’re hurting and don’t have your sweet girls with you. I know they fought to be here with you. I agree that you shouldn’t think twice about unfriending them, or at least blocking them if that’s still an option (I’m not on fb at all anymore, for other reasons). Maybe someday you’ll want to see how they’re doing, or she’ll realize how much you’re hurting and reach out to you… I imaginepeople in her shoes have tunnel vision, and are only able to deal with their own issues. but if she can’t understand why you’re not there, or why you had to protect your heart, she’s not worth the effort under any circumstance.

  4. Honestly, it got so hard for me with facebook, that I actually deleted it. And if you feel bad for deleting someone, don’t. If they didn’t care about your loss and pain, then why be there for them for their happiness. Happiness is easy to be there for. It’s the earth shattering when you see the people that don’t scatter away.

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