I keep thinking to myself that I need to un-friend some people on facebook. But then, that would make me a horrible person, right?
There are several people who said nothing to me when I lost my girls, not even an ‘I’m Sorry,’ yet they go on to comment on tons of my posts, and even ‘like’ random obscure crap I post.
Also, I keep torturing myself with someone else’s child. They too were born a mirco-preemie and made it. 7 0z lighter than Hazel and 1/2 the weight of Willow. I am happy for them, honestly, but every time I see a post about how strong a fighter their little one is, I cry. My girls were fighters too. She never even said anything to me when I was on bedrest, in the hospital, or after I lost my twins. She’s been there, and made it out ok, I can’t help but feel like that is a slap in the face to not say anything at all to me, you know?
God chose them. God deemed my husband and I unworthy of raising our daughters, but them worthy. God chose them, and punished us.
That’s all I can think of when I see them. I want to unfriend them so badly, I only torture myself with their pictures. But that makes me the bad person.
I hate all these feelings inside.
Why would God give me this undeniable want to be a mother, to nurture children, only to take it away before it could ever happen.
These are the questions I ask at sleep.