We decided to spend Father’s Day at my mom’s house this year. James wanted to keep busy working, and not dwell too much on the fact that his first Father’s Day would be spent grieving the loss of our only children.
We also chose my mom’s because my father passed away years ago, and my grandfather (my mom’s dad) passed away a few years ago as well. Father’s Day would be hard on my mother as well. Missing her husband, her father, and her grand kids.
All went well. Then we drove back home. At around 10:30 I got really tired and went to bed. James, a few minutes later, crawled in beside me, pulled me in tight and finally let loose. He held me and shook and cried.
Of course, I did too. It was so hard on me too. Knowing my body is why he can’t be celebrating right now with two amazingly beautiful twin daughters.
I apologized over and over again and cried in his arms with him. It’s insanely hard knowing you caused someone you love so much pain.