A good support network is a must. Many avoid it after the loss of their child thinking they don’t need it. But really, it was a key player in my process. I didn’t want it and I didn’t think I needed it, but I joined the Facebook pPROM loss group anyway.
I don’t know where I would be without my pPROM Angel Mommas and their support and understanding. They have been so amazing.
Finding a group that had a similar story is key. Yes, all child loss is devastating and heartbreaking, but finding those people that have a similar story gives you a deeper connection and understanding. I don’t understand what it is like to have a stillborn child, or lose a child after 3 years of life with them, or never getting to meet my child. I understand what it is like to lose a child, yes, but early in grief we can tend to lose focus and fact that child loss is just that… Child loss. No matter the age or circumstance.
You just want someone who understands. Who knows exactly where you have been. It seems easier that way. Further along in grief, you can connect with anyone who has lost a child, but those first couple of months grief plays tricks with your emotions and mind and hurtful things can be said.
A mother recently reached out to me. She lost her daughter after being stillborn. She is grieving heavily. I tried to calm her and tell her to just try and get through each minute. Do her best. She lashed out at me saying, “You couldn’t possibly understand. I have other children that need me. You don’t have any children. You can do that. So you are saying I should just get over the death of my child?”
That hit me like a ton of bricks. I do have children. Two. And mothering them is the hardest thing I have ever done. It’s hard as hell to be a mother to children in Heaven. But, I had to remind myself she is fresh in grief. She doesn’t always know what she is saying.
Grief is hard, it sucks, and it is unpredictable. Just do what you can, when you can.