I like this article from Still Standing Magazine, though I have to admit that I still can’t follow the advice. Maybe one day I can, but now 8 months later, I still have this stuff pouring into my mailbox and it still cuts like a knife.
Original article: http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/08/its-all-about-perspective/
It’s All About Perspective
I walked out to my mailbox today to get the mail. A simple, mundane, nothing to write home about routine. I reached in and grabbed up the envelopes and magazines and started to flip through the contents. As I meandered back up the driveway, toward the house, my heart was instantly up in my throat and tears began to pool in my eyes as I read through all that the mailman brought to me this day. On the top of the stack was a catalog for ‘One Step Ahead’ a company that sells toys, games and helpful ‘gadgets’ for small children and families with small children. The flap on the front cover read…”For your growing toddler”. The next envelope contained a postcard from a photo place advertising for 20% off my purchase of portraits of my baby with the Easter Bunny. Finally I came to a Parenting magazine, it was wrapped in plastic and inside the shrink wrap was a letter stating that I had been selected to receive a year’s subscription courtesy of “Destination Maternity”. I walked into the house feeling hurt, wounded, and sad.
I thought ‘Do I really need these constant reminders that my son is no longer with me?” Why won’t these companies just stop sending me these things? It’s so painful. I’ve done all I know to do to let them all know that my son died, and to please stop sending me their products and sales info.
I could feel myself slipping into a ‘funk’, so I just sat still for a moment and realized, that no, I hadn’t done all I know to do. I hadn’t tried praying about it. Giving it to God and asking for His guidance.
So I prayed.
I shared with God, once again, my hurt and sadness from missing my son. I asked Him to give me the strength to continue on in my pain and to see all of His blessings. I asked Him to show me what to do with my hurt, frustration and anger over having to constantly receive these ‘reminders’ in the mail all the time. And then, I just sat. I sat and “shut-up”. Sometimes, my friends, that is the very thing I need to do, but neglect to do…shut-up. I can rant and rave to God. I can cry and laugh with God. I can ramble on and on about all that is running through my head with God, but what I often forget to do is to just shut-up already. To close my mouth and just sit and listen. Open my heart to hear from Him. So that is exactly what I did. I sat in silence and waited.
Slowly a thought came to me. Maybe, I was looking at this situation all wrong. Perhaps if I shifted my perspective, it wouldn’t be so bad. Shift my perspective? How?
I’m always writing or posting about Aidan. I’m always working on things around the house, garden or with others for Aidan. Sometimes I’m writing about him or doing things for him because I need to get things off my chest to help me heal or get past something, but mostly I write about him, or post something about him because I don’t want anyone to forget him. I want others to remember him with me…and…if I change my perspective…that is exactly what these companies are doing. They are remembering my son with me. When I receive a coupon for something for my ‘baby’, instead of being hurt I can look at it and say ”Hey, someone else besides me remembers him”. When I get a parenting magazine with stories about toddlers, I can say “Thank you for remembering I have a third son”. When I get reminders to have my child’s picture taken, I say…yes, I have a son who should be able to have his picture taken, and even though he can’t…thank you for remembering him.
My heart, that just hours before, was so heavy, hurt and burdened with sadness, was suddenly filled with love and joy. I wanted to leap up, throw my arms around God and say “Thank you so much for reshaping my heart and giving me new sight” I want to scream to the world “Isn’t God amazing!?”
So, where are the items I received in the mail today? They are sitting on my counter, laid out for me to see. Every time I walk passed them, I don’t feel hurt or sadness. I smile and say “Thank you for remembering my son”
Praise God for new perspectives.