“If I went through what you did..”

I’ve talked about what not to say to a grieving mother on this blog before. But, this there is one more thing I wanted to touch on.

Almost anytime a mother of all living children finds out what happened to us, they say something to this extent:

If my child(ren) died:

I wouldn’t be able to go on.

I’d kill myself.

They would have to permanently sedate me and tie me down.

I wouldn’t get out of bed at all.

I would refuse to go on.

I wouldn’t handle it as well as you.

At first glance from any non-BLM, these seem like honest innocent answers. But to all those who know the devastation of losing a child, they hurt just like a knife in the gut.

Why? Because in our emotional stated, it’s like saying to us: You moved on, I wouldn’t be able to. You got over it, I couldn’t. It must not have been THAT devastating.

I know they are not saying this, it’s just what it feels like. What people don’t realize is that we all feel those same things, but the reason we do go on is FOR our children. To tell their story, be their legacy. Let the world know they were born, they were here, we do have children.

We go on not only because we have to, but because they would want us to. Because we love them with a love so deep, so pure, so strong, it transcends beyond death.


3 thoughts on ““If I went through what you did..”

  1. Thank you for this post! I love the way you said it all. ❤ It's not easy to carry on our lives, people don't understand that we have to wear a mask most of the time. Much love to you! xoxoxo ❤

  2. I never thought about this but now that you mention it, yes.
    I dont think I had many of these comments. I got more of the “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” or “I can’t imgaine if I lose Sally”.
    People often have a difficult time with what to say & often times everyone says the wrong thing at one time or another. That’s just being human. I try not to take anything to heart.

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