What I should be doing

What I should be doing, is very different than what I will be doing.

What I should be doing is trying to calm my panic, because in 7 days I will be having a 1 year birthday party for two very rowdy twin girls. I would be no where near ready, and flustered.

What I will be doing is crying. Trying to make it through the day.

I should be baking and creating a beautiful cake in whatever design they seem to be interested in.

What I will be doing is busying a tiny cake to place at their gave sites.

What I should be doing is picking out cute little matching outfits to show off to all our family and friends.

What I will be doing is lighting Chinese sky lanterns in remembrance of them.

What I should be doing in marveling in how big they have become in just one year.

What I will be doing it crying for the children that will never get any bigger.

What I should be doing is sending out invitations for their party.

What I will be doing is hoping family even remember it is their birthday. Remember they were born. They were alive, and they are my children no matter where they are.

 

What I should be doing is very different than what I will be doing.

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5 thoughts on “What I should be doing

  1. Oh hunny. I’m so sorry for your pain. You explained that day so perfectly in regards to feelings. Devyn and Jaxton’s first birthday is January 1st and I have no idea what to do. I know what I should be doing and it starts to overpower what I can do. I’ve been looking into sending up some Lanterns as well. Even if it is just Bob and I. Are you having people over to send some with you? Or will it be just you two? I have so many hugs I want to give you right now.

    • It will just be us. I thought about inviting family, and I think some would come and be supportive, and others wouldn’t. An the ones that wouldn’t would hurt me more than not knowing. So we are going to keep it very personal. I will be thinking of you and your little ones on the first. Hugs

      • Those are the same worries that I have had about inviting people for their first birthday as well. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Unfortunate, but nice to know.

    • Thank you. It was definitely not easy, but the anticipation of the day felt worse. It was the days leading up to it and following that seemed to have the most emotional response.

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