Last year

Last year around this time, I was heading back to work. I was pretending life was going on, and all was ok. It was all a lie.

Somehow I pushed through and put on the mask anyway. Those first couple of weeks back I spent 75% of the time tucked back in a little lab by myself crying. I cried everyday and most days multiple times a day.

I did my work as tears stung my eyes and wet my shirt. I just had to hope no one came in, and if they did I had to turn my head until they left.

I had triggers, hard triggers, unexpected triggers, and stupid comments. Oh how the comments were stupid!

Eventually the days got easier, but they never went away. I still have horrid trigger days, but they seem to be much fewer and a lot farther in between. I thank God for that. Without that break for sanity, I wouldn’t have made it.

I miss them just a much these days as I did during and just after. The only difference is now I know for a fact it was all real and I can handle situations better.

So, what I guess I am saying is, hang in there. It gets easier, it doesn’t go away, it just gets easier.


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