Dreams and Reality

***Triggers/Ments***

Sometimes, right before sleep, I like to let myself get right on the brink of dreams and reality. That place where you have one foot in the conscience reality of today and one foot in the dreamscape. It is here where I let my mind live in a place where my dad is teasing Dexter making him mad, while I hear two giggling girls running down the hallway. It’s these semi-conscience perfect realities that make me not want to come back, but I always do. Because this reality could never exist, not in any parallel universe or alternate realty. Why? Because if Willow and Hazel are alive, Dexter cannot exist and for Dexter to exist, Willow and Hazel have to die. To want one is to deny the other and as a mother how can you choose? I can’t.

This is the same notion I choose to believe God plays. He doesn’t choose who lives or dies. Yes, He has ultimate control, but we are all His children. How could He possibly choose or place one life above another? Simple. He doesn’t. He let’s life and death play out with very minimal intervention. Sorry for the deep thoughts/rant. It has been a very emotional couple of days and sleep deprivation is making me slightly hallucinate at night right before I fall asleep.

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2 thoughts on “Dreams and Reality

  1. I think I will always feel that way. Despite always wanting 3-4kids we talked about being done after 2 because I was so sick. And so even though I was not pregnant by my EDD, if we are lucky enough to have a rainbow, there will be some sadness of wanting both and knowing that probably never would have happened.

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