Another first

Today, St. Patrick’s Day, is the first holiday since the girls died that I haven’t gone to their graves to visit or decorate. I cried for a long spell about it. How could I forget? How could a mother forget about her children on a holiday? I know things are more complicated now than they used to be, but that is no excuse.

I don’t know how to make it up to them…..


5 thoughts on “Another first

  1. I don’t think it’s a matter of forgetting – it’s a matter of healing. I know there is a balance between honoring and living in the past, and I don’t think for moment that you forgot your daughters. I can’t say for certain, because I’m still chasing my rainbow, but I’d expect that being pregnant would bring up grief, resolved and unresolved. I don’t think there is anything that I can say to make you feel any better, so I’ll just say I’m sorry.

  2. I feel guilt for not going more often to Avalon’s grave, too, but the reality is that it doesn’t hurt her feelings, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t still love her and miss her. It just means that I have many new blessings in life and I am fully immersed in them. And that’s how she would want it. When I need to visit her grave, it will be when I feel the need to grieve in that way.

  3. Sweetheart they know their mommy still misses them and I bet they just want you to look after their baby brother. Sending a big hug and a sloppy kiss from Jesse. Xx

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