Lost in a Fog

A year ago around this time, I was lost in such a thick fog. It is really hard to look back and recognize myself. I was only a couple of months past the thoughts of suicide, which were heavy early on. At this point last year it was a bout 5 months after the twins had passed away. I threw myself into the hope of holding a pregnancy to term. Would it happen? What if it didn’t? Would I go back to that dark place? It felt like I was carrying the weight of the world not on my shoulders, but my heart. There were so many uncertainties. Just so many…

I wish I could tell you it gets better, it all goes away. But I can’t. I can tell you that you learn to deal with everything in healthier and more productive ways and thoughts. Know there is someone who understands these cruel thoughts. I’ve been there, and even now sometimes let myself sink into again just slightly. 

I’m here for you if you need me.

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