Guilt

I feel guilty for not posting as much on this blog anymore. Which, in a way, is a good thing too. I finally feel like I can see the top of the mountain, and for once, I don’t feel like Sisyphus.

For those unfamiliar with Sisyphus, he was a man in Greek Mythology who was condemned to continually roll a huge boulder up a mountain, only to watch it roll back down and start over again.

That’s how I felt after Willow & Hazel died, like every time I would start to see the light at the top, the boulder would roll right over the top of me and back down the mountain. I would cry, sulk back down, and try again.

The point was, I got back up and tried. I kept trying. I keep trying everyday.

I don’t feel like Sisyphus. Grief consumed me for so long, it was hard to see the joy in my life. The girls wouldn’t want to see me like that. If it were me that died, I wouldn’t want them to be that way.

Death isn’t the end, it’s just a bump in the road. Sometimes it feels like the end, oh boy does it, but it isn’t. Not for my family anyway. I WILL see them again, and that helps.

There is hope, and there is life after the death of a child. It’s not the same life you had, but it’s the life you must live. You will never get over it, you will never move past it, but you will be able to live again if you just give it time and try. I promise.

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