Well under Pressure

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

That isn’t Henry Kissinger’s exact quote, but I like the alterations a little better. (See below for exact wording). I’ve felt under pressure for a long time.

Pressure to:

  • Get over my losses
  • ‘Be my old self’
  • ‘Make something’ of my girls’ lives
  • Make up for the lost time with my girls’ with my rainbow
  • Be the very best mother because of my losses
  • Help others
  • Keep my feelings in
  • Get my feelings out
  • Get over it
  • Cry more

Really, you think of anything, and someone will tell me the opposite. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but every one has their theories (myself included) on who it should be. Heck, there are books written about the grief process. Unless you have had something to grieve, I don’t think any amount of schooling, PhDs, or classes can prepare you. Even then, every person has their way of grieving that is healthy for them, what works for them.

For some, it IS keeping it in ‘moving on,’ and that’s ok, just don’t tell others to do it. For others, it is sobbing nightly for years, and that’s ok. Do what you need to do, but don’t judge if others’ tears have stopped flowing.

If you think you might hurt yourself, get help. It’s ok to ask or help. You child/ren don’t want to see you hurt yourself. No matter how brief, or how long ago their lives were, they love you. I wish I would have asked for more help. I did want to hurt myself, but I didn’t. I couldn’t do it, but blogging helped me see that sometimes we get so far into our grief that if feels like there is no other way out.

If you honestly feel like there is no other way out, please contact someone. Anyone.

“A diamond is a chunk of coal that is made good under pressure.”

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