After over 2 years and a rainbow of my own, I still get a sinking pain when a friend announces their pregnancy or shows that first picture. I see my friends easily building their families with no worries.
I love my daughters and I love my son. I have three beautiful children, but with only one here on earth I still feel like my family is incomplete. I know that this feeling will always be here because my daughters died. But, I wish all this wasn’t mixed with infertility. Even if I want more living children without the fear of them dying, I have one more shot. That’s it. That’s all she wrote. Anyone who has done IVF knows that that means about a 30% it will work.
All my eggs will be in one basket, literally. That last FET will be about $5k+. A fresh cycle is out of the question. Please, don’t preach to be about adoption unless you have done it yourself and know that if you can’t afford to do another fresh cycle, you probably can’t afford to adopt either.
The most my living family could ever be is 2 children.
That is a sinking feeling. I never wanted a large family or anything, it’s just the thought that I know ahead of time. Even if that 30% falls in my favor, 2 is it. More than likely, 1. Dex will not grow up with living siblings, and it is all my fault. My body’s fault.
Sorry for all the doom and gloom, but tonight I had a weird twinge in my lower stomach. It felt just like the first kick. I started crying at the horrible betrayal of my body….