It never goes away

Today, I broke down. No. I crumbled. My foundation I had been building gave way. I cried so hard I shook. I was sitting in lab sobbing and shaking. Luckily it is Friday and no one is in the lab at the moment. 

Grief never goes away. It lingers. No matter what you do, or how happy you feel it lurks just below the surface waiting for its chance to steal your happiness. 

In April my sister’s son died in the NICU. Born at the same gestation as my girls by different circumstances. 

Today, she posted a picture of our father on Facebook for Father’s Day and asked him to take care of our children until we could be together again. She posted how he had his hands full with twin toddlers and a newborn. I lost it. 

Not only did I get struck with the grief of realizing my daughters were toddler, but how much I missed my father. It’s been 8 years. Then wrap it all up with the loss of my nephew and all the new and old feelings pushing their way to the surface ready for their chance to reemerge. 

I’ve been so focused on making Father’s Day special for my husband, I didn’t take into consideration how it might bring up my emotions of loss surrounding my father. 

Grief, old friend, can’t you give me just one holiday where you don’t show up unannounced? 

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3 thoughts on “It never goes away

  1. I’m really sorry. The grief hits me at random and most of the time, hard. I’m really sorry for your sisters loss too. Xo

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