This year is even harder than past years. This year I can’t just focus on myself and what I need. I have to focus on what my sister needs too. I don’t mean that is a selfish way, I mean it is just different. I have always supported other in their losses, but I’ve never had to with someone I am so close to.
There are member of her family that now aknowledge my loss as more than ‘just a miscarriage’ or ‘just a loss.’ (That was not a hit from me about miscarriages, that’s just how the outside world sees it)
Willow loved for 16 hours and Hazel lived for 8 days. My nephew, Ivan, lived for 7 days. They lived. They existed and even if they never had the chance to take a breath on this earth or be born, that doesn’t make it any different.
This year, my sister is doing something big with candles for the girls on Oct 15th. She has always been supportive of what I was going through, but it’s a bit weird to have her go all out this year. I know it’s because she gets it now, but it’s still a little different to go from supportive sister to understanding sister. I have a lot of emotions to sort through this year. New family all of a sudden being really supportive after 3 years. It makes me happy and angry at the same time. Where were they the last 3 years?? See…lots to work through. Lots to process.
After deactivating my Facebook account (you can that whole situation at Deactivating Facebook. It is password protected with the normal password. If you need that password please email firstname.lastname@example.org or ask for it) there is an ache this month. Not seeing all the PAIL awareness on my Feed, has taken a bigger toll on me than I expected. I miss the support.
So, I started using Instagram more. It doesn’t allow for some of the reasons I left Facebook. Feel free to follow me Karoark. *Triggers* I post a lot about our Rainbow on Instagram. It still allows me to be social, without the Facebook aspect.
Still feeling the need for all things October, I have customs Jamberry Nail wraps made. I am really happy with them.